The Day When Washington Mutual Failed

And the attempt to get another home equity loan for the Orchid Greenhouse of my dreams.
This will be my last follow up to my lovely woodland home. I always new that bankers were a heartless lot, but when they found out where the first home equity loan went, they suggested major pruning.

I think it was money well spent. Don’t you think? I now worry that someone on my orchid forum informed on me. For shame! My greenhouse is manure powered and I pointed out all of the Green and some of the brown I had in my hands.

Lythia, the head toad at Toad Hall Financial replied rather coldly, “Plants like pets can often croak and therefore cannot be considered as full assets.” But, but … I stutter, “Look how fast they can breed. ”No matter, the weather at Toad Hall was very frosty and big Mick, the other Toad had a few comments to make, even as I was supplicating and down on my knees. In a very casual tone, he informed me that Lythia had just gone over to Poo Alip, a charmingly fragrant farming community just east of us. “She was looking for bargains!!!”

I believe that was my first warning. He then went on to explain that God made bankers to inflict pain. In other words, that if there were no pain in life, how could we enjoy its absence? This philosophical shovel of manure also worried me. I have been sliding down the razor blade of life all too long; and I fear that my Lederhosen are slowly giving way.

As always, the gopher in me seeks to tunnel to safety. So, I checked in all of my library books and found they were five dollars overdue. I paid the outrageous fine and took refuge in the Highlands. I hope my Riverine home survives this home equity foopah, and I will re-surface in the spring. In the meanwhile, I shall live the life of a gentleman. I am also praying to the new God Obama. I know he will answer them. There is much to be said for Obamaism! If stepped in firmly enough, it’s damn hard to scrape off your shoes.

I suspect that when I return, even the two big toads will be retired. All the little toads have already disappeared. Not just a case of too much light, just that big barracudas have swallowed up what was once a nice friendly bank.

This is dedicated to all the Washington Mutual employees who have been  destroyed. I will be taking my acorns and tubers elsewhere.

That said, I am now am now firmly nestled in the lap of luxury and in life I have done a few good things… All of my children are talented and I pride myself in knowing that the lines of Shel Silverstein, Tom Lehrer and other quirky authors were transfused into their little skulls. There were to be no readings of Goldilocks or common fairy tales. Instead. I read Kafka and The Metamorphoses. Rich dreams are worth such sowings and Tom Lehrer’s “Sliding down the razor blade of life” may not be entirely out of line.

I near forgot; Mick suggested I check out this Darwin award site. When I got home, I got my foot-peddled computer up to speed and took a peek. I might be a bit dense, but I don’t understand what he meant to say. There are many instances of that with Jim and Mick. Even with my thinking cap on, I sometimes don’t understand. Perhaps it is clinched too tightly or pulled down too low.

Sometimes, I feel I am a candidate for a Darwin award. Look for the balloon story. 

I am looking forward to a Merry Christmas for all! Big Mick did send me a Christmas card, so I think all is okay. On Cardboard he had inscribed:

TIMES ARE HARD
HERE’S YOUR DAMN
CHRISTMAS CARD
With card in hand I scampered off to Sandra’s House. Needless to say, I decided not to  bank with Chase! Years later, I will smile and reflect on the idea that most bankers were augmented with vampiric or shark tissue implants.
(C) Herbert Senft 2008
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